70+ Funny Text Jokes For Adults That Will Make Cry Out of Laugh

Humor has a unique way of bringing people together and brightening even the dullest of days. In today’s digital age, funny text jokes have become a popular way to share laughter with friends and family.

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While humor can vary widely from person to person, this article presents a collection of light-hearted and funny text jokes suitable for adults.

So, without making any further delay just grab your smartphone and get ready to LOL!

Best Funny Text Jokes For Adults

Here we have listed out the best adults jokes that you must be known to crack in functions and parties.

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1. The Pessimist’s Dinner:

Friend 1: What’s for dinner tonight?

Friend 2: I don’t know, but it’s bound to be disappointing.

2. Coffee Lover’s Dilemma:

Why don’t coffee beans ever get in trouble? Because they know how to espresso themselves!

3. The Lost Sock Mystery:

Why don’t socks ever go on vacation? Because they’re afraid of getting lost in the laundry!

4. An Apple a Day:

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit!

5. A Game of Two Halves:

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

6. The Confused Alarm Clock:

My alarm clock and I had a fight this morning. It wanted me to wake up, but I wanted to sleep five minutes more. In the end, the clock gave up, and I won.

7. Speedy Tomato:

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

8. The Science Joke:

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

9. The Autocorrect Fail:

Friend 1: I’m having a “mourning” coffee.

Friend 2: You mean “morning” coffee?

Friend 1: No, my coffee is sad because it’s Monday.

10. The Technology Mix-Up:

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

11. The Dog’s Complaint:

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.

12. The Weather Forecast:

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

13. Wisdom Teeth Wisdom:

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

14. The Grocery List:

Friend 1: I’m on a seafood diet.

Friend 2: Really? How does that work?

Friend 1: I see food, and I eat it!

15. The Mind Reader:

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

16. The Art Lover:

Why did the artist go to therapy? Because they had too many “draw-backs” in life!

17. The Ghost Joke:

Why do ghosts love to ride elevators? Because it raises their spirits!

18. The Wisdom of Ducks:

Why don’t ducks have therapists? Because they’re all experts at quack psychology!

Single line adults jokes

  • A guy knocked on my door today and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
  • I don’t like shopping centres. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
  • Two blondes walk into a building… You’d think one of them would have seen it.
  • I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. It turns out books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • I just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
  • What animal do you look like when you get in the bath? A little bear.
  • Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried, but she couldn’t reach.
  • My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
  • What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
  • I asked my partner if I was the only one she’s/he’s been with. She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights.”
  • Why don’t skeletons fight at parties? They don’t have the guts to do it!
  • A bossy man walked into a bar, then ordered everyone a round.
  • The doctor gave me one year to live with my illness, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
  • Why do people love you if you donate a kidney? But if you donate five healthy kidneys, they call the police.
  • There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
  • My mom died, but we couldn’t remember her blood group type. As she died, she kept telling us, “Always be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
  • What does a house wear? Address.

Hilarious Text Jokes for Adults

1. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

I want you inside me.

2. Why are men like diapers?

They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

3. “Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

4. I hope you have a happy birthday and celebrate the way you came into the world. 

Naked and screaming.

5. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

6. What did one butt cheek say to the other?

Together, we can stop this shit

7. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.

The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

8. I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive.

My girlfriend lives forty miles away.

9. What did the clitoris say to the vulva?

It’s all good in the hood!

10. They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

11. Welcome to New York City!

Where it smells like your toilet just did an hour of Bikram Yoga.

12. What kind of food does a lesbian love?

Anything they can eat out.

13. What kind of Bees produce milk?


14. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

15. What did the penis say to the condom?

Cover me, I’m going in.

16. “I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife.

She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”

17. What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?


18. Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club.

Thank you all for coming.

19. What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

20. A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?”

The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”

21. If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum. 

Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

22. What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon?


23. How do you make a pool table laugh?

Tickle its balls.

24. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms?

Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear.

25. A naked man broke into a church.

The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

26. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

27. What do tofu and a dildo have in common?

They are both meat substitutes.

28. Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with paper and pencil.

29. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

30. What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?

Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

31. Does Taylor Swift wipe after going poo?

No, she just shakes it off.

32. Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

33. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

34. What do a Rubik’s Cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

35. How is a boyfriend/girlfriend like a laxative?

They both irritate the shit out of you.

36. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

37. An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied.

“Now you have to remove them.”

38. What one food reduces a woman’s sex drive by 90%?

Wedding cake.

39. They say makeup sex is the best…

Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

40. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

41. Why does a mermaid wear seashells?

Because she outgrew her B-shells.

42. What did the penis say to the vagina?

Don’t make me come in there!

43. What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name?

Papa Boner.

44. I just had sex in an elevator.

It was great on so many levels.

45. What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

46. Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

47. What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off!

48.  I asked my partner if I was the only one, she’s/he’s been with.

She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”

49. Masturbation always leads to sex.

It’s a gateway tug.

50. What is an Australian kiss?

A kiss down under.

51. How is life like toilet paper?

You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

52. Which sexual position produces the ugliest kids?

Ask your mum!

53. A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.

She said, “Depends what’s in it for me.”

54. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A private tutor.

55. What comes after 69?


56. I’m trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie.

The problem is there are just too many holes in the plot.

57. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin’ off!

58. How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

59. What did the leper say to the sex worker?

Keep the tip.

60. What does a perverted frog say?


61. What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pickup line?

Wanna lick me?

62. What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit The Frog’s fingers.

62. What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?

A beaver dam.

64. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

65. What do you call an expert fisherman?

A Master Baiter.

66. Why is diarrhea hereditary?

It runs in your genes.

67. What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls?

A white Christmas.

68. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”

The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

69. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

70. What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?

A dictator.

71. Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.

72. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?

A man.

73. How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

74. What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF file.

75. How is virginity like a soap bubble?

One prick and it’s gone.

76. My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.

I personally am on the fence.

77. What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him?

“Lie to me! Lie to me!”

78. How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.

79. What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

80. What do you call two lesbians in a closet?

A liquor cabinet.

81. A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” “I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?”

“Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you.”

82. What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

83. What’s the difference between being hungry and being horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

84. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

Things to avoid while choosing Funny Text Jokes For Adults

When selecting funny text jokes for adults, it’s important to strike a balance between humor and sensitivity.

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Here are some things to avoid:

  • Offensive or Inappropriate Content: Avoid jokes that are offensive, discriminatory, or in poor taste. Stay away from humor that targets specific races, religions, genders, or individuals with disabilities. Offensive jokes can alienate and offend your audience.
  • Sensitive Topics: Be cautious when joking about sensitive topics like illness, death, mental health, or traumatic events. These subjects can be deeply personal and triggering for some people.
  • Explicit or Vulgar Language: While some adults appreciate edgy humor, avoid excessive profanity or explicit content in your jokes. It can be off-putting to many and may not be suitable for all audiences.
  • Sexual Content: Sexual jokes should be avoided, especially in a professional or mixed-age setting. They can create discomfort and are generally not appropriate for a broad audience.
  • Religious and Political Humor: Steer clear of jokes that target religious beliefs, political affiliations, or controversial figures. These topics can be divisive and lead to arguments or offense.
  • Cultural Sensitivity: Be mindful of cultural differences when sharing jokes. What may be funny in one culture could be offensive in another. Avoid stereotypes or jokes that rely on cultural biases.
  • Personal Attacks: Don’t use humor as a means to attack or belittle individuals, even if they are public figures. Personal attacks can come across as mean-spirited and hurtful.
  • Insensitive Humor: Avoid jokes that make light of serious issues such as addiction, domestic violence, or other social problems. It’s essential to be sensitive to those who may have experienced these issues.
  • Overuse of Dark Humor: While dark humor can be funny in moderation, be cautious about using it excessively. It can become overwhelming and lose its humor value.
  • Excessive Insults or Teasing: Playful teasing among friends can be fun, but be careful not to go too far. Repeatedly insulting or demeaning others, even in jest, can damage relationships.
  • Jokes That Punch Down: Avoid humor that targets marginalized groups or individuals who are already vulnerable. Aim for humor that uplifts and includes, rather than excluding or demeaning.
  • Misinformation or Harmful Advice: Be sure the content of your jokes is accurate and doesn’t spread misinformation or harmful advice, especially on serious topics like health or safety.
  • Timing and Context: Be mindful of the timing and context in which you share jokes. What may be appropriate among friends in a casual setting may not be suitable in a professional or formal environment.
  • Overly Personal Jokes: Avoid sharing extremely personal or embarrassing stories or jokes about someone without their consent, as it can be invasive and disrespectful of their privacy.
  • Ignoring Feedback: If someone expresses discomfort or offense at a joke you’ve shared, take it seriously. Listen to their feedback and be open to adjusting your humor accordingly.

Humor is subjective, and what one person finds funny, another may not.

While humor can be a great way to connect with others and bring joy, it’s important to exercise sensitivity and consider your audience’s preferences and boundaries when choosing funny text jokes for adults.

Conclusion on Funny Text Jokes For Adults

Humor is a universal language that can brighten our days and bring smiles to our faces. These funny text jokes for adults are just a small sampling of the countless ways humor can be shared and enjoyed in our digital age.

Whether you’re texting these jokes to friends, sharing them on social media, or just enjoying a good laugh on your own, remember that laughter is a powerful tool for relieving stress and fostering positive connections with those around you.

So, share the joy, and keep those funny text jokes coming!

Thank You 🙂

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